“I have no idea what I’m doing?…..” Is a phrase I’ve often uttered when under intense public scrutiny. When I’m chastised for my lack of motivation and direction in life. When I walk all the way down stairs, open the fridge door, gaze wistfully at the illuminated contents and wonder what the hell I was doing there, when I actually needed to pee? And also when I’m trying to negotiate my way through decrepit house, in an undisclosed location which is as brightly lite as a hippos ass! Yes this is part 2 of my disastrous play-through of the “Resident Evil VII ” demo. I spend the majority of it lost, despite having already been shown where to go. I can only apologise for the neglectful dereliction of my duties when it comes to providing thought provoking content and communication. Both will hopefully be amended soon. Until then check out the conclusion of Resident Evil VII and just remember “I have no idea what I’m doing!”
I like glitches. I admire the purity of them. Not the game breaking ones, more the extravagant demonstrations of ignorance from developers. The ones that have footballers colliding on the pitch, clasping one another in an uncomfortable embrace and kissing. The sort where Ethan yells “SHAUN”! inexplicably during conversations in Heavy Rain or a hockey player collapses onto an opposition player, sticking his arm up his butt and anally pounding him like Mike Tyson kneading bread! Seriously check that one out it’s hysterical! They don’t necessarily represent the overall quality of the product nor do they detract from the immersion; they are simply a gentle reminder that you are playing a game crafted by living, fallible people. It’s the unpredictable spontaneity associated with them that I like too. That at any moment, without warning a levitating fish will come hurtling towards you like a coked up student at a Doritos factory. It’s surprisingly difficult to anticipate instances such as these, so imagine my surprise when such an incident occurred?! Believe me, I’ll be much more cautious in everyday life now! Check out the clip below to see more.
What is you’re favourite glitch? Let me know in the comments below. Cheers.
Yes! I’ve finally salvaged enough time to play the “Resident Evil 7” Demo. Is it scary? Is it a return to form? Is it another example of Capcom prioritising commerce over craft? Is it just a demonstration of overt plagiarism? Is it as half-arsed as, well half an arse (or more commonly referred to as Resident Evil 6!). Could I actually figure out what the hell was supposed to be going on?! Well I recorded my exploits for your benefit and give you a vaguely defined idea of what to expect from this much lamented franchise. A word of caution; the game is dark and full of terrors (thank you Melisandre). Primarily consisting of dark, claustrophobic environments that even Marilyn Manson would consider a little too dismal. Seriously I had the brightness dimmed down so much that only Stevie Wonder blindfolded would have less visual perspective! Any girlish screams you hear during this video are purely coincidental. Actually-now that I’ve concocted a more imaginative lie-they were in fact my 3 month old daughter. She was born with a lot of testosterone. My girlfriend and I are deeply concerned. *cough*. With that firmly in mind I hope you enjoy part 1 of my Resident Evil 7 demo play-through. Cheers.
I don’t really know what to say. I don’t know what’s going on? I can’t quite articulate a response to this. Words…..the construction of sentences…….gone. Bye bye. Pfft. It’s just, just….just…..jus…..er……ugh….
What do you guys make of this? Because I’m completely turned around here. Leave a comment below. Cheers.
Rather than dispose of all of my residual resources on a forced article concerning some systemic arbitration afflicting some rudimentary aspect of the games industry, or a cynical jab at a series I abhor, with all the analytical charm of an itchy verruca I felt I’d use this time to relax a little. I’m mentally exhausted, trust me incessant discussions about appropriate prams and other related commodities of infant services will do that to you, so I have instead utilised this time to restore some much needed vitality through indolent repose. Don’t worry though as I have compiled a little video of a particular occurrence during my play-through of The Walking Dead that documents a rather curious incident, whereby 2 characters engage each other in a conversation using their……err……junk! You know their tiny Tim’s, kidney ticklers, meat scepters, snot rockets, womb brooms, Dora the Explorer’s…..I’ll, I’ll stop now. Enjoy the video which is in no way as depraved as my puerile and downright repulsive description on the male genitalia. Hee hee hee…..genitals.
Game, Complain, Repeat 